Search
Home Blog

What is Emotional Social Intelligence and How Does it Affect Our Success?

By
Newsroom
-
0
Social Intelligence

What distinguishes mid-level employees from top management? One of the important factors, without which it is difficult to build a “vertical” career, is the level of social and emotional intelligence. Let’s figure out what these terms mean and how to create a personal development plan.

The main task of a manager is to effectively organize the work of a team and the interaction between different departments. That is why the ability to understand your own and other people’s emotions, as well as manage them, will allow you to achieve the best results. At the same time, such a skill will be useful for employees at any level of professional development – it helps to effectively establish communication with colleagues and competently organize work in a team. Olga Loskutova, Vice President of the Washing Machines and Dryers Business Unit in the North American Region of Whirlpool, explained what social and emotional intelligence are, how they differ, and how to draw up a personal development plan.

Which is correct: social or emotional intelligence?

Lately, we often hear at work, in the media, or from friends about such concepts as social and emotional intelligence. But what do they mean, and how do they affect our lives? In the middle of the 20th century, the term “emotional intelligence” appeared in the scientific community, which characterized a person’s ability to understand and manage their own emotions, as well as the emotions of other people. Over time, this theory has received many developments, including “social intelligence”. It meant a person’s ability to effectively exist in society: to feel and understand the context of a situation, communicate with others, listen to them, and influence their beliefs. Social intelligence develops through our successful and not-so-successful experiences of interacting with people and our ability to analyze and learn from our mistakes ( read also: “The Theory of Business Positivity: How Mirror Neurons and Empathy Work” ).

In essence, these concepts are interconnected, and social intelligence logically follows from emotional intelligence. Emotions are connected to our deepest values ​​and beliefs. If something goes against them, negative emotions appear, and, conversely, if it agrees, then positive ones. Emotions then shape behavior, which directly affects relationships with others, career, and, therefore, the future as a whole. This is why the level of our emotional-social intelligence determines our life.

How to work with emotional-social intelligence?

When it comes to professional and personal development, you need to understand what limitations or barriers you have, what makes you behave in a certain way, and what your triggers are – events or situations that cause certain emotions. There are 4 stages of working with emotional-social intelligence:

Understanding your own emotions. At the first stage, it is important to learn to be aware of what you feel and what causes certain emotions. For example, if during an important meeting you suddenly began to actively defend your position, your colleagues may regard this as aggression and will conduct the conversation in the same tone. In such a situation, you need to stop and think about why you felt the desire to defend yourself, what words or actions caused such a reaction, and why you felt these particular emotions.

Managing your emotions. Understanding how you feel gives you the ability to manage your emotions. For example, once you realize that your colleagues’ questions or counterarguments to your proposal can trigger a desire to defend your position more emotionally, you can consciously decide not to give in to this trigger.

Understanding other people’s emotions. Once you achieve harmony with yourself, you are ready to move to a new level – to effective interaction with others. For example, if during a general meeting a colleague began to “attack” you and bombard you with questions, the first step is to understand what is important to him in this situation, what emotions he is experiencing, why he began to behave this way and whether you could have hurt him in some way. It is important to learn not only to track your emotions, but also those of others.

Managing other people’s emotions is the highest level of skill. Having mastered the skill of empathy, a person can influence the emotions and, therefore, the behavior of others.

Why do you need a personal development plan?

Professional development is inextricably linked with personal growth. It is impossible to become a good manager without becoming a mature person – these are interconnected things. By developing yourself as a person and working on your emotional and social intelligence, you will also be able to achieve success not only in your career but also in your personal life.

The first step is to think about what limits you and what you would like to develop in yourself and your relationships with people around you. It is important not to be afraid to act, development is only possible through experience. A plan will help to collect all your thoughts together and develop a step-by-step strategy. Choose 3 main areas for development and formulate 3 goals. They need to be set as clearly and practically as possible, imagining the result. It is useful not to perceive this process as changing yourself, it is better to focus on becoming the best version of yourself while maintaining your uniqueness and individuality. Here are some examples of goals and tips on how to work with them.

Goal #1: Learn to respond calmly and constructively to criticism during business meetings

Continuing with the example mentioned above, you make your proposal at meetings, but when you hear doubts from your colleagues, you become defensive and begin to emotionally defend your ideas. Although constructive dialogue with colleagues would help the common cause.

If you understand that you need to do something about the situation, you are halfway there. Then you need to think about why you felt vulnerable. Then the best strategy is not to take it personally (“nothing personal, just business”). Your colleagues do not want to offend you, they just have a different perspective and a different opinion. Instead of defending yourself, you should ask what they mean. Openness to other people’s opinions will not only expand your understanding of the situation and improve your work results, but also improve your relationships with your colleagues. You can formulate a different, more useful perception of similar situations: for example, if there are questions and a different point of view, this does not mean that you are wrong or you are not accepted, it is simply an invitation to discussion, exchange of opinions and search for a solution acceptable to everyone.

Make a deal with yourself and make the following part of your plan: as soon as you feel yourself reacting to your “triggers,” stop, take a short break, and think about how you can respond in a more constructive way. For example, instead of repeating your arguments, ask questions to better clarify your colleague’s position.

Goal #2: Increase the productivity of business meetings

The effectiveness of meetings at work can depend on many factors, but from the point of view of emotional intelligence, colleagues must be on the same page. When a manager leads a project, he or she must understand which key employees will influence the success of the project. It is important to find out their opinions before the meeting and discuss possible “painful” issues in advance. Do not be shy about approaching and directly asking what they think about a specific issue. Preparatory work before the meeting is an important component of successful negotiations. Managers with high emotional intelligence will not have heated battles at meetings because they have already thought about how key employees will react and consulted with them.

Goal #3: Make useful contacts for career development

If you want to move up the career ladder, then good relationships with colleagues can significantly accelerate professional growth. How can you establish useful business contacts? First of all, it is not only the relationship with your immediate supervisor that is important, but also with other colleagues who also affect your career prospects. For example, you are a brand manager and report to the marketing director. But do not forget about the sales director, who works closely with the latter. If you do not build a trusting relationship with the head of the sales department, then the likelihood of becoming the head of the marketing department will be low.

 

Moreover, in modern companies, all promotion decisions are usually made by a group of people. Choose a few colleagues with whom you would like to establish relationships and ask yourself: “What common ground can I have with these people?” As a brand manager, it will be useful for you to meet in person from time to time with the sales director and find out his opinion on certain issues. This will allow you not only to expand your understanding of the situation and gain new knowledge, but also to build good relationships.

It is also important to have the right attitude towards this goal. In no case is it about “licking up” or “manipulating”. What is important is your sincere desire to gain new knowledge, expand your “picture of the world,” and build good, trusting relationships with colleagues in order to successfully develop your business together. People always feel what drives you.

Social Intelligence

And finally…

Once you have set your goals and made a plan to achieve them, it is important to practice the new behavior model at least 15 times to make the habit stick. At the end of each day, it is useful to set aside 10 minutes to analyze how you are progressing in achieving your goals, what skills you managed to practice, what worked, and what to pay attention to next time.

7 Signs of a Narrow Minded Person

By
Newsroom
-
0
Signs of a Narrow Minded Person

The concept of stupidity is very subjective, but there are certain signs that indicate that we are dealing with a person who is not very smart – we will talk about them in our article.

Any person whose point of view or sense of humor does not coincide with our ideas can be accused of stupidity – often the one who turns out to be narrow-minded is the one whom we simply cannot understand due to various circumstances (or our narrow-mindedness). Mark Twain also said that we all like people who say what they think, but on condition that they think exactly like us. Nevertheless, the concept of a “small-minded person” does exist. What should be understood by this formulation, we figure out with psychologist Olga Romaniv.

Be constantly confident in your rightness

Only a narrow-minded person never doubts that his or her opinion is the ultimate truth, and any disagreement is an expression of the opponent’s stupidity, and nothing else. Such people tend to impose their point of view on others, using their authority or experience as argumentation. They are categorical, everything is always clear to them, because the world is divided into black and white – they, as a rule, do not recognize any halftones. For this reason, it is extremely difficult to communicate with them, and trying to argue or prove that there is another view of things is almost impossible.

Inability to analyze

The tendency to analyze what is happening and self-analysis is a feature of people who are able to understand themselves and others, draw conclusions, and learn from their own mistakes in order not to make them again. Only a person inclined to reflection can help themselves independently in the presence of certain psychological problems, unless, of course, they tend to self-flagellation. By the way, narrow-minded people are completely devoid of it, because they are always right. The lack of a tendency to analyze their actions often leads to the fact that a narrow-minded person does not think about the consequences and is not able to think two steps ahead.

Fear of everything new

A narrow-minded person is someone about whom one can safely say that he has blinders on. He has difficulty perceiving new information, especially that which runs counter to his established views on life. He moves along a route he has laid out for himself in advance, without any deviations from it, without expressing a desire to learn new things, to draw interesting information, to search, to think, to compare. Narrow-minded people are very superficial, and this can be expressed in different forms: from judgments to getting an education; therefore, such people, as a rule, have no or very few hobbies. One can say that at some point, they have intellectually stalled.

Lack of empathy

A narrow-minded person does not know how to sympathize and does not want to learn. His emotional intelligence is at a very low level, practically tending to zero ( read also: What is emotional-social intelligence, and how does it affect our success ). Often, such a person can even be accused of bad manners, because it costs him nothing to hurt another with a word, to ridicule, to offend. He does not listen and does not listen to other people, including loved ones; he does not understand what is going on in the soul or thoughts of another person, and he is not interested in it. He is fixated only on himself – his thoughts, grievances, and experiences, of which a narrow-minded person can have a lot. After all, he is offended by everyone who does not agree with him and expresses a different point of view.

Dependence on other people’s opinions

Narrow-minded people are very dependent on others, and this can be expressed in a variety of forms: from banal envy on a domestic basis (such characters never envy intelligence and creative abilities, because no one can compare with them in these qualities), which will motivate a person to receive the same benefits, to an almost manic passion for someone else’s opinion with or without reason. Such people cannot take a step without asking what others think about this. Even when sick, a narrow-minded person may not call a doctor, but gather a council of friends and acquaintances to come up with a treatment plan based on their advice, or sit on the Internet, finding out what people think about this on forums.

Passion for external attributes

Signs of a Narrow Minded Person

The expression “living for the public” is a classic characteristic of a narrow-minded person, because he never strives for development, he has no spiritual needs and searches, he is not a “Dostoevsky man”: he does not doubt, does not suffer, and does not try to correct his mistakes. He is not a seeker, he is a consumer. A narrow-minded person is a person-fest, he always needs a beautiful picture, but not for himself, for those around him – for his friends who will admire him, for his subscribers on Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia), where he will post new photos demonstrating his success. Narrow-minded people do not like to be admired silently; they need attention, so they love noise, hubbub, parties, where they will be the first, shouting down everyone, to talk only about themselves. All their energy and internal resources are directed to this. 

Lack of intelligence

Nowadays, it is not customary to talk about this quality, but it is this criterion that mainly characterizes a narrow-minded person. After all, intelligence is not about having intelligence or higher education. It is, first of all, about having tact, the ability to listen to the interlocutor, tolerance towards others, a focus on self-development, first of all in the spiritual sphere, a culture of communication, including in everyday life. Intelligence is a high level of intelligence, primarily emotional. 

Despite all of the above, narrow-minded people are doing well in life. One of the reasons is that they are good at understanding people, quickly identify empaths, are fantastic at manipulating others, and always put their interests above the interests of others. Can they be called fools in the classic sense of the word? Hardly. Those who are used for their own purposes by various manipulations, those who try to argue with them, prove their case, or simply express their point of view, demand sympathy and understanding from them, and expect such characters to understand their situation, find themselves in a stupid position.

7 Dangerous Illusions That Are Worth Letting Go in Mature Age

By
Newsroom
-
0
Dangerous Illusion

In our youth, many of us tend to live in illusions, but as we grow older, we accumulate experience and learn sometimes harsh but important life lessons. Let’s figure out what delusions and empty hopes we need to get rid of by maturity.

It is believed that the period of youth ends at 39 years old – after that, according to popular belief, maturity begins. By this age, many people leave behind unnecessary worries and fears, learn to build personal boundaries and say “no”, begin to be more tolerant of the injustice of the world, and look at life in general more simply.

However, not every person’s period of maturity corresponds to psychological maturation – many people during this period, on the contrary, refuse to accept the fact of change and fill their lives with illusions, chasing after their fading youth, which most often leads a person to stagnation and disappointment. Together with psychologist Anna Sukhova, we figure out what illusions should be gotten rid of to meet a new stage of your life with dignity.

“One day, someone will come into my life who will solve all my problems.”

This is a standard illusion that often appears in people after 35. It is caused by accumulated fatigue, emotional exhaustion, unwillingness to take responsibility for oneself, and enter a new period of life. It is important to understand that in reality, there are no wizards who will one day descend from heaven and solve all your problems for free – such deals are possible only on mutually beneficial terms, which are unlikely to suit an adult and independent person.

If you are faced with such problems, try to look at life from a different angle – try to perceive responsibility for yourself not as a burden or a burden, but as an important element of personal freedom.

“It’s too late to change anything.”

This illusion often occurs in adulthood – over the years of life, a person accumulates negative life experiences (be it relationships with the opposite sex, lack of career achievements or unjustified hopes), which prevents one from moving forward and setting new goals. In this case, of course, internal work with failures is necessary – remember that your aspirations are effective when you act purposefully and you have enough patience so that your efforts are not in vain.

“Life ends at forty.”

Dangerous Illusion

Disappointed expectations, disappointment, and assessment of your emotional state from the position of youthful maximalism will, of course, paint sad pictures in your mind. If you want to change the given, you should change the perspective of perception of reality – at forty years old, you understand exactly what you want, and you have enough resources to realize it yourself.

The main point is that people do not always correctly assess their internal motives. If you want money, imagine what you would do if you had it. Travel? Relax? Not do boring and uninteresting work? Then, probably, the true motives are not financial insolvency, but the desire to change the field of activity or take a break from the usual everyday life.

“A lot depends on the opinions of others.”

Dependence on the opinions of others is a destructive attitude that interferes with the entire life process. Most people are only concerned with their thoughts and feelings, and they don’t care about you, but the thought of what others will think or say scares even adults and accomplished individuals.

Of course, gathering information or asking for advice can help in a given situation, but you shouldn’t take the recommendations and opinions of others as 100% truth. The main task of any mature person is to learn to hear and listen to yourself, and this can be done by learning not to criticize yourself or reproach yourself for the mistakes you’ve made.

Dangerous Illusion

“I can control those around me.”

This is an illusion of egocentrics who strive to take over the whole world and are ready to do anything for this. They are interested in fame, money, power, and the desire to control and manipulate other people, while it is their desire to control everything that leads such individuals to disappointment and subsequent psychological problems.

It is important to understand that for every force there is another, no less, and personal well-being and happiness cannot grow on the soil of egocentric fantasies about total control. These are signs of infantilism and narrow-mindedness ( read also: 7 signs of a narrow-minded person ).

“I am lonely.”

This illusion is inherent in many people who, for some reason, are not in a relationship or do not have a family. The social significance of being in a couple influences the formation of a feeling of loneliness – even someone who has consciously refused to build a relationship can periodically feel lonely. At the same time, as a rule, people quickly get used to a comfortable coexistence with themselves, but under the influence of the moment they can let another person into their life (and their everyday life), expecting that he will not change their usual existence in any way, which is certainly impossible.

So if you really feel lonely, try to open up to the world and loosen the boundaries of your comfort zone, and if you are happy with everything, don’t pay attention to the generally accepted rules – just enjoy the freedom and lack of obligations.

“I am disappointed in my life.”

This illusion, like many others, is tied to negative experiences. Failed romances, mistakes at work, betrayal of loved ones – all this leaves an imprint, as a result of which we begin to think that our life is a failure. However, it is worth remembering that we live in a world with many people (both good and bad), and one event follows another – we interact with the reality around us, making choices every day, and what we get in the end does not make the world hostile.

Look at the situation more broadly – compare yourself not with others, but with yourself a year ago, look for what you should develop in yourself, what to pay attention to, and do not lose hope. An active position, motivation, and desire are exactly what make a person alive, helping to look at life from a different angle and find the strength to survive temporary difficulties.

 

5 Books That Will Actually Help You Cope With Depression

By
Newsroom
-
0
5 Books That Will Actually Help You Cope With Depression

How can you independently determine the degree of “neglect” of depression? Where to start a new page in life if you do not know what you want? And how to “reprogram” your brain in 45 days? We are looking for answers to these questions in books that are supplemented with practical recommendations and clear algorithms for action to get out of depression.

Depression is a serious mental illness that has reached unprecedented levels of prevalence in our time. We increasingly turn to psychiatrists in search of a magic pill to produce serotonin, but forget about self-help practices. Marie Claire, together with the largest book subscription service, MyBook, has prepared a selection of books in which you can find effective advice on “reprogramming” your life: from changing daily habits and forming new neural connections to clear algorithms for eliminating external negative factors.

“Hormones of Happiness” by Loretta Graziana Breuning

Loretta Graziana Breuning, a distinguished professor at the University of California, offers a practical guide to combating depression: changing your habits in 45 days by “reprogramming” your brain. Serotonin, dopamine, endorphin, and oxytocin are the hormones of happiness, and our job is to activate them correctly. Insufficient production of one of them disrupts the overall balance of our brain chemistry and leads to the production of cortisol, the stress hormone responsible for anxiety. The book is equipped with specific practical recommendations and neurobiological data.

Martin Seligman, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, former president of the American Psychological Association, and the founder of positive psychology, is known primarily for his concept of “learned helplessness.” According to Seligman, it is based on pessimism, which he suggests combating with the help of “reasonable optimism.” But to do this, you need to acquire new cognitive skills, focusing on certain aspects of life and certain things. This book presents a practical guide to developing these skills, supported by the results of 25 years of scientific research.

5 Books That Will Actually Help You Cope With Depression

“Mood Therapy: A Clinically Proven Way to Beat Depression Without Drugs” by David Burns

David Burns is a doctor of medical sciences, professor at Stanford University, winner of the prestigious A. Bennett Prize (for research into the processes in the brain that contribute to the development of depression), as well as the National Association of Cognitive Behavioral Therapists Award. Cognitive behavioral therapy is the only type of psychotherapy that has clinically proven effectiveness. Burns’s world bestseller is dedicated to this approach: in it you will find techniques and exercises that have been tested over many years of experience that will help you cope with typical manifestations of depression (various negative habits and attitudes, mood swings), as well as a questionnaire that allows you to determine the degree of “neglect” of depression.

“Never Someday. How to Get Out of a Deadlock and Find Yourself” by Elena Rezanova

Conventionally, depressions are divided into two groups: endogenous and exogenous. Exogenous depressions are the result of external factors that poison our everyday life, and therefore drug treatment without changes in life is often ineffective. Elena Rezanova’s book is intended for people who are tired of their “gray everyday life”. How to change an unloved activity that drives depression? How to find motivation for change? Where to start if you don’t know what you want? In this book, you will find a clear algorithm of actions that will allow you to understand yourself, find your true desires, and start a new life.

“The Upward Spiral: How Neuroscience Can Help You Overcome Negativity and Depression – Step by Step” by Alex Korb

A neurophysiologist takes readers on a tour of the brain’s labyrinths. As a practicing psychiatrist, Richard O’Connor shares his knowledge that understanding how your own brain works can give people unique opportunities for positive change. You’ll learn effective and highly practical ways to use knowledge about the brain to improve relationships, relieve anxiety, and ease the burden of depressive moods.
This selection does not include cozy novels that you can read while sitting by the fireplace. If your soul asks for them, then at the end of the article, you will find a link. And in this material,l we have collected for you professional books that really help to cope with depression. These are books by respected psychiatrists, psychologists, and neurophysiologists. We will tell you about them.
“When Someone You Love Is Depressed…” by Mitch Golant and Susan Golant
Mitch and Susan Golant are psychotherapists with extensive experience treating depression. In this book, they give practical advice on how to behave if one of your relatives or friends falls ill. The authors consider specific situations related to this disorder. But most of their recommendations are universal.
“Antistress. How to overcome stress, anxiety, and depression without drugs and psychoanalysis”,
David Servan-Schreiber is a world-renowned neurobiologist and professor of clinical psychiatry. In his book, he explains how to take depression under control. He relies on research data and provides examples from practice. For five years, together with colleagues from the University of Pittsburgh Hospital (USA), he studied how to alleviate depression, anxiety disorders, and stress. The method is based on the functions of the human body. Servan-Schreiber explains in detail how our brain works and what certain reactions depend on.
“Go Crazy: A Guide to Mental Disorders for Big City Residents” by Daria Varlamova, Anton Zayniev.
For this book, Daria Varlamova and Anton Zainiev received the “Enlightener 2017” award, which is awarded annually to Russian-speaking scientists and journalists who can simply and clearly talk about the latest discoveries and research. Daria and Anton talk about the most common mental illnesses. A separate chapter is devoted to depression.
“Happiness Hormones: Train Your Brain to Produce Serotonin, Dopamine, Endorphin, and Oxytocin” by Loretta Graziano Breuning
Loretta Graziano Breuning, a distinguished professor at the University of California, provides a number of illustrative examples in the book that allow you to better understand the mechanics of the action of happiness hormones and learn to control them. All of them are important for working with depression, especially serotonin. The information is really useful.
“How to Learn Optimism” by Martin Seligman.
American psychologist Martin Seligman became the founder of positive psychology. He became world-famous for his research into the phenomenon of learned helplessness (or depression), that is, passivity in the face of supposedly insurmountable troubles. Seligman proved that helplessness and its extreme manifestation, depression, are based on pessimism. In his book, he explains how to deal with it. 

How to Decide on Changes in Life After 45

By
Newsroom
-
0
How to Decide on Changes in Life After 45

It’s time to abandon social stereotypes and admit that a mature age is the time of new opportunities. Read our article to find out why.

Time, of course, behaves simply meanly. The conditional interval between 30+ and 45 feels like summer – endless, full of opportunities and pleasures. It seems that at this peak of activity, you can linger forever. But in summer, there is a treacherous August, and in life, there is a treacherous 45, when a deep anxiety begins to undermine: everything will soon end.

After all, we have before our eyes the example of parents who at some point turned from almighty giants into ordinary mortals, rapidly losing confidence and strength. So, what does it mean? Are we threatened with the same thing? Just a little more – and that’s it? And what to do there, in the unimaginable distance of autumn and winter, which is still ahead?

In fact, everything is not so terrible and can be analyzed. If you look fear in the eye, you can keep it in check. It is enough to tell yourself that anxiety is largely associated with the upcoming menopause and potential loss of attractiveness, with fears about whether work will allow you to save up for a decent life, as well as whether you are satisfied with your achievements and whether the chosen path turned out to be the right one. But rationality does not always save: the very fact that at this point you need to decide and do something with your life can drive you into depression ( read also: 5 books that will really help you cope with depression ).

How you form your life credo “after…” depends on your internal position. Depression does not threaten those who naturally follow their presets: “survival” is “survival”, “an active second half of life” — how else? Those who find themselves in the middle are painfully stuck in doubt: you don’t want to “survive”, you don’t believe in the “second half of life” (or rather, you don’t believe that you can organize it for yourself — like in the glossy pictures of the “photo bank”).

In general, the best way to overcome doubts is to get into the field of people who have successfully and differently solved this problem for themselves. Literature, events, forums – today, there are enough resources for inspiration and energy for change. And it makes sense to start this path at about 45, with reflection, clarifying your “wants”, building mental perspectives.

“The second half” does not mean that you have to prove something to yourself again, achieve, fight, and search, find, and not give up, otherwise, you will inevitably slide into “survival”. Membership in the “second half” club is not based on nothing: the base is all the previous achievements that form the basis, and then a new game with yourself begins “Will I be able to try, will I dare to do it like this again?”. And if you do not want to play it, then your choice is “survival”, which you have every right to do.

5 Books That Will Actually Help You Cope With Depression

But at the stage of doubts, you passionately want changes – large-scale, fatal ones, which will shake things up and prove that nothing is over yet, that a new turn is still possible. The record holders among such convulsive attempts are moving and divorce. This has a kind of symbolic “burning of bridges”, a physical cutting off of the “past life”, a draft that failed.

The unknown that opens up before you in the event of such a decisive step is frightening, fills you with adrenaline, but also inspires: a very youthful sense of beginning appears. However, we are not young, that’s the thing. And an indicator of our maturity in such a situation is a clear awareness and planning of what is happening ( read also: 7 dangerous illusions that are worth parting with in adulthood ).

“You will go left.”

The simplest (with all its complexity) “breakaway” at the age of 45+ is changing jobs or even the field of activity. At least because here the risk of total loss is obvious. If the prospect of finding a new job at this age causes fear and despair, you are most likely under the influence of powerful social clichés (“at this age nothing good will be offered”) or the level of your professional self-confidence is low.

The situation is, of course, aggravated by the general economic situation and the related personnel policy. Therefore, it is important to put your self-esteem in order – for example, to systematize the idea of ​​your professional achievements, at least at the level of a resume (career and salary growth, awards, company rating), plan advanced training courses and generally bring your competencies up to the requirements of the time.

Changes in Life After 45

And to overcome social clichés and other objective “negativity” will help the tunnel vision effect: “I see the goal, I don’t see the obstacles”, when the focus of attention is only the task, the steps to the solution of which you have calculated, and everything unnecessary is discarded, you do not see it, it is not in focus. Rewatch the Soviet film “Magicians” – it is a great example of how, having concentrated, to pass through a wall, although, perhaps, not the first time.

Here we will also include another option, “light”. At this age, it sometimes seems that everything is too late and nothing is interesting, and all sorts of “hobbies” are perceived as something strained and unnatural. So, should you look for new hobbies in an attempt to somehow color your life? Hobbies are not part of the life program, and you do not owe anyone anything, but the world of social networks and the media regularly reports that “everyone” is interested in something. And now we feel ourselves to be not quite complete in comparison with this “everyone”.

No. You are complete. It is quite possible that you have enough work that you are truly passionate about, or those leisure activities that you prefer in your free time – theater, cinema, walking, running, traveling… And if you really want to have a hobby, but it just doesn’t come to you, then here is a great option: spend each vacation in a new place.

A hobby should bring joy, and not become another “duty”. It makes sense to learn a language because you want to learn it, and not because a magazine wrote that in this way you “form new neural connections”. You should only take up tango, master photo editing, or plant flowers when the very thought of it makes your insides clench with joyful anticipation. In this sense, “45+” is no different from “10+” when you were drawn to a drama club like a magnet, and your mother kicked you into the piano.

“Then I’ll go right.”

A more complex temptation is the impulsive dream of moving to another city, or even a country. Perhaps you want a higher level of comfort or a good environment, social mobility for your children, other professional opportunities, or better education and medical care, or maybe it’s about reuniting with your family or loved one. Timid thoughts on this topic have begun to acquire the confidence of a real desire, and that means it’s time to provide for them psychologically and switch them to the register of what is achievable.

The first thing you need to do is study the country of your dreams as much as possible, so as not to confuse, as in the joke, tourism with emigration. Fear of the unknown is overcome by good preparation: it is important to imagine the new conditions, where and how you will live, what to do, who to communicate with, and what resources to rely on. The main resource is faith in yourself: if you managed to win before, you will succeed now. But faith alone will not feed you, which means you need to find support from those who live in the place of your dreams, and get their advice, even if these are not real acquaintances, but forum participants and social network users.

You need to leave behind a maximally cleared area, but not a “heap of ashes”: close all projects and loans, pay off debts, provide a power of attorney to a loved one just in case, enlist the connections and support of those remaining, check the availability and correctness of all documents.

A new beginning is always a challenge. First of all, it is a challenge to the new you, whose experience and status have now been reset. No one knows about you, and you don’t know anyone. You will have to build connections and prove your worth all over again. However, you have such experience, even if you have never had to move before ( read also: Into a new life: 7 proven tips for packing when moving ).

Remember how one day you had to leave the cozy cocoon of family love and support and go to first grade? That’s how it will be. Only now will you have to become your own mom and dad and, nurturing your sense of self-worth, endlessly remind them: You are the best and deserve the best, you are valuable and significant, no matter what happens, and you have many victories and achievements behind you.

“You are a queen after all.”

It’s practically the same story with divorce. At the age of 45+, it’s the strongest challenge to yourself, your fears, your individuality, hopes, and courage. The same stress, the same uncertainty and hesitation, the same timid voice of doubt until the very end: “Maybe I shouldn’t? Maybe I should stay? Maybe there’s still something for me here?” – and the same tickling, spurring feeling… A bit like the last second before a parachute jump. And in the same way, this feeling needs to be supported by confidence and readiness to move on to practical solutions ( read also: “How happiness in marriage depends on the order of our birth in the family” ).

If you feel like you need to get a divorce, this is exactly the case when it makes sense to compare your feelings with the opinion of an outsider, but knowledgeable in matters of “male-female” relationships and the dynamics of family processes. A consultation with a family psychologist would be quite appropriate. Simply because this delicate area is the territory of “glitches” that we create with omissions, accumulated irritation (both towards the partner and in general, even towards the economic situation in the country). Perhaps the time has come to simply sort out these accumulations, and a visit to a specialist will allow you to either start a new page in your family life or translate the feeling of the need for change into intention and action.

Because, in general, the thirst for drastic changes may well be just an illusion of a new life beginning, a temptation, a purely semblance of transformations and self-deception. Yes, a divorce or a move is always a turning point. The question is in which direction this turning point is – plus or minus. Initiating such changes, you must realize that it will not be easy, it will not work on “maybe”. Impulse is not enough; a conscious calculation of one’s strengths, readiness to build anew, and overcome difficulties must prevail. And also – a decision not to regret anything, even if …

“You have the right to make any move.”

“Survival” is a terrible word. This concept is centuries old. An active, strong man is thrown overboard from the ship of modernity, Akela misses; now your lot is not the road, but the side of the road. Fortunately, the times when the main task of the family was to ensure survival, and therefore the weak became ballast, are gradually retreating under the onslaught of progress and medical achievements. But we still remember the film “The Legend of Narayama”, where the end of survival was put by the old people themselves, asking their children to take them to the mountains and leave them there until death.

In our subcortex, the period of loss of strength is programmed as “survival”, and the ancient firmware changes much more slowly than the time of new opportunities to arrive. The concept of the “second half of life” is adopted more quickly by those who have life experience in their family history, not just survival, and it will be even easier for their children and grandchildren: new scenarios are unfolding right before their eyes. We can choose: to follow the experience of our ancestors or, having accepted their life strategies with gratitude, develop new ones, correlating them with the demands of the time.

The 45+ generation has hit the jackpot today. They already know everything — and can still do everything, they are in that period when they have already proven everything to others and fulfilled all their main life obligations, and now they owe only themselves. Or maybe they don’t, but they simply could bring something new into life that they weren’t allowed to before. Now everyone is free. Not in the sense of “get out,” but in the sense of “freely” — everything is possible. And this is the real thrill, which can last as long as you like.

6 Questions to Ask Yourself If You Want to Start From Scratch

By
Newsroom
-
0
6 Questions to Ask Yourself If You Want to Start From Scratch

Almost every person at least once in their life has had the idea to start from scratch and not make the same mistakes. How can this be done?

We get used to living in a familiar environment and not leaving our comfort zone for many years. As a rule, we lack the notorious “magic kick” to be ready for change. For some, it could be a huge success in the career of someone they know, a move, a divorce, or simply an irresistible desire to change something. Some people nurture an idea for years, and then the boiling point comes, and the person decides to make radical changes themselves. And so comes the readiness to start all over again.

First, you need to understand yourself. Here are six questions that anyone who wants to start from scratch should answer.

1. What do I want?

Unfortunately, over time, many of us stop hearing our desires. Public opinion, parents’ advice, and prestige make us give up our true desires in favor of what seems more promising. For example, you’ve dreamed of living in a small house in the mountains and composing music all your life. But under the influence of public opinion, you decided that this dream was too far from real life. You moved to a noisy metropolis and began working as an accountant because it was profitable and prestigious. And then you suddenly realized that you were going the wrong way and living someone else’s life. Here, it is very important to discard all the stereotypes imposed by society, limiting beliefs, and understand what you really want.

2. What do I like to do?

As actor Vyacheslav Polunin says, “You should only do what makes you ‘ring’ inside.” Listen to yourself and think about what fills you with energy and pleases you. Let’s say you were into drawing as a child and dreamed of becoming an artist. Your parents convinced you that it was a stupid idea – you can’t make money from paintings, and that you need to choose a higher-paying and more in-demand profession for your life. This is one example of how easily we give up our true desires and follow the lead of others. Listen to yourself and determine what pleases you.

3. What are my talents?

Unfortunately, many people associate the word “talents” with famous people who became famous in one area: Pushkin, Mozart, or Charlie Chaplin. In fact, everyone, without exception, has talents. It is only important to recognize them in time. Two effective techniques will help you identify your true talents:

  • Ask people around you what you do best. It is advisable to ask friends, neighbors, relatives, colleagues, and acquaintances. Your family members will probably give you such characteristics as “good housewife”, “loving wife”, and “caring mother”. These are certainly your strong qualities, but far from real talents.
  • Think back to a moment of true triumph, victory, and pride. In what area was it? Maybe as a teenager, you won first place in a track and field competition, or not long ago, your boss praised you in front of everyone for your high sales percentage.

With these simple exercises, you will determine what you do best. Go in that direction!

4. What is my dream life?

Imagine your ideal day in detail. Think about what you will do from morning to evening, who you will communicate with, where, and how much you will work. For some of you, an ideal day is a car with a personal driver, important business negotiations, successful deals, and a busy schedule. For others, it is a sunrise on the seashore, a cup of coffee in solitude, and work to the sound of the waves. Or maybe your ideal day is cozy slippers, a blanket, a mug of hot tea, and remote work on the computer.

A person always wants to grow. Sideways, crookedly – anywhere. If a person does not grow, he degrades. Period. That is why it is so important to constantly develop in your business. If we do not make an effort and do not complicate the task every day, we degrade.

Everything around strives for growth. If you block the growth of a tree root by placing a concrete slab on it, what will happen? The tree will start growing sideways. It is the same with people. Degradation is the same growth. Only sideways.

The more you listen to yourself and do what your inner voice tells you, the more harmonious you will be. Have the courage to admit to yourself what you want and what you don’t want. And also the courage to be true to yourself. Then you won’t need any other motivation.

5. How can I make money?

Now that you have a whole list of “I want” and “I can”, analyze and summarize. Combine your goals, desires, interests, and talents. Think about how you can make money from this? Let’s say you like communicating with people, consulting them, and giving advice. Friends and acquaintances note that you have excellent taste in clothes and an innate sense of style. Your ideal day is a personal office, a flexible work schedule, and enough time for family. Think about what professions you can realize yourself in. This could be a fashion blogger, image consultant, or personal stylist ( read also: “Top 5 unusual professions in the beauty industry that you might not know about” ). Do not limit yourself to well-known and sometimes outdated areas of activity. Check out new professions on the labor market and find what suits you perfectly.

6 Questions to Ask Yourself If You Want to Start From Scratch
6 Questions to Ask Yourself If You Want to Start From Scratch

6. What can I do now?

Write a list of specific actions on paper, or better yet, leave a whole step-by-step plan. To start from scratch and realize yourself in a new field, you need to acquire new knowledge and skills. If you decide to work for hire, look at current vacancies and send a resume. If you want to start your own business, think about where to find your first clients and how to start sales. After planning, immediately begin to act. Remember that it is never too late to start from scratch. The main thing is that you are moving in the right direction.

7. Do I often read books?

How many books have you read this year? And last year? Is it enough, or can you read more? Ask yourself important questions more often and read smart and useful books. Words are eternal, and books will always be the quick way to pump up your mind and skills without making your own mistakes. Look for interesting books on the shelves of cozy coffee shops, at friends’ and parents’ houses, leaf through bright editions in bookstores, and  ask your friends to recommend their favorite literature. And a taste for books will come.

Advice from an astropsychologist: what periods of life should you be especially careful in?

By
Newsroom
-
0
Advice from an astropsychologist

Throughout life, a person faces a number of difficulties that are directly related to their age. Together with an astropsychologist, we figure out in which years of life you need to be especially careful, and how to overcome difficulties without harming yourself.

Life is not a straight and smooth road, no matter how much we would like it to be. We are constantly faced with difficult turns, slippery places – somewhere you need to speed up, and somewhere, on the contrary, stop and look around. How to recognize dangerous periods, meet them with an open soul, and safely pass? An expert in revealing human potential, astropsychologist Yulia Terentyeva will tell you about this.

We have all heard the expressions “tough adolescence” or “midlife crisis.” These are the periods when a person rethinks their path and asks questions about what they bring to this world and whether they are doing what their soul is inclined to do. These moments can be difficult and overwhelming, and therefore are considered dangerous. Important milestones occur throughout life, and we will now examine them in more detail.

Up to 36 years: gaining independence and finding yourself

The first difficult moment comes at 12-14 years old, when the child becomes a teenager. His personality and worldview are formed, and the understanding comes that the parental home is a temporary shelter, and you need to find your own way. The choice of a future profession, the first important decision. It is good if it is at this age that children earn their first money – this will help them adapt to the realities of adult life and realize the responsibility for what they do.

At 21, a person is ready to become independent, live separately from their parents, and manage money and time. They are full of ideas, and most importantly, they are ready to actively implement plans and ambitions. Among 24 the many goals, the main one stands out, in which a person wants to become an expert. This period is also dangerous, since there is a high risk of not finding your calling and remaining at an intermediate stage for a long time. In such cases, it is worth giving up doubts and trying new things – only practice and getting out of your comfort zone will help you find what you need.

Advice from an astropsychologist

As a test of mental strength, at 27 years of age, a person may face difficult trials. To overcome the difficulties of this period and conquer fear, you need to understand it, look it in the eye, and find strength for a new round of development.

After 36: Following the Soul Program

By the age of 30-36, the search for one’s purpose is complete. Chances to realize one’s place in the world will still present themselves, but the sooner a person does this, the more harmonious the rest of his or her life will be. After 36, it is advisable to follow the program of the soul and devote time and energy to various areas of life – work, family, health, and creativity. This approach will help to correctly prioritize and allow enjoying life to the fullest.

A serious crisis awaits a person at 41-42 years old, when a premonition of future old age appears – he understands that he can no longer say that he has everything ahead of him. But, most importantly, do not fall into despondency, boredom, or depression. Creative activities, spiritual practices, and self-knowledge will help to overcome this dangerous turn and reveal new facets of the soul.

If an individual has something “obsolete” and unnecessary in his soul that pulls him back, this will be especially clear by the age of 44-45. It is during this period that it is time to remove from the path a failed marriage or an unloved job, like old broken things – such a decision will help to close all unresolved matters and allow you to move on.

Advice from an astropsychologist

At 55-57 years old, a person continues to implement the program of their inner “I”, to show personal talents. You will have to answer the question once again: what is my purpose, what would I like to change? It is not too late to discover something new in yourself, to master something that has been postponed for a long time, for example, a hobby for which there was no time before, and to live happily.

What to do if you can’t solve life’s problems?

A person does not always manage to successfully overcome dangerous sections of life’s road. Gaining independence, understanding one’s place are difficult tasks that one can try to solve for many years and still not achieve the goal.

If a person does not provide for themselves by the age of 21-24, there is a risk of never separating from their parents and remaining a dependent person. If the choice of path at 36 led “in the wrong direction”, a person feels anxious, despondent, because subconsciously they understand that they are not living their own life and something important is passing them by ( read also : 6 questions to ask yourself if you want to start from scratch ).

It would seem that there is a stable job or family, but there is no happiness. Fatigue and stress accumulate, and at some point, a person is covered by an avalanche of trials: illness, career collapse, breakup of a relationship. This is a dangerous period. Such events can be so traumatic that sometimes people cannot stand it and leave this life.

Fortunately, it is within our power not only to survive turning points without severe shocks, but also to extract new resources for development from them.

Much has been said about finding your purpose, and it is the main task at any age. Understanding your path is the key to a smooth, harmonious life. A deep understanding of your desires, the work that your soul lies in, is necessary. Having spent energy on finding your path, you will be able to answer the questions: what am I bringing into this world, and am I fulfilling my purpose?

How should one proceed to solve this problem?

  • Analyze and understand your purpose. For this purpose, natal chart analysis, together with an astropsychologist and constant self-analysis, will help
  • Don’t get hung up on one area, forgetting about others. A career built at the expense of family is just as destructive as a complete loss of independence in a relationship.
  • Don’t be afraid to set ambitious goals, learn, and create. This is especially important in the first half of life, but development needs to continue further.
  • Separate what is imposed by society from your inner desires, and do not follow someone else’s path
  • Be sure to pay attention to your health. Development requires a lot of strength, both spiritual and physical.

And, most importantly, if at some point you realize that you have taken a wrong turn, it is not too late to return to your purpose. Re-evaluate your experience, listen to yourself, and move on. This knowledge will help you overcome any turning point with benefit for your soul and will allow you to easily sail along the path of life in harmony with yourself and the world.

The Pillow Talk Technique: An Easy Way to Make Your Day a Little Happier

By
Newsroom
-
0
Easy Way to Make Your Day a Little Happier

We’ll tell you what practice will replace a visit to a psychologist and help you get your life in order.

No matter how hackneyed this attitude is, the modern working woman does not have time to properly take care of her mental health. Visiting a psychologist, keeping a diary, and meditating are very useful things, but few can do them every day. But there is a technique that is sure to suit businesswomen, mothers, and simply busy women – and it is “talking to a pillow”.

The idea is that you communicate with yourself twice a day about important topics. The first time is when you wake up, and the second time is when you fall asleep. The conversation can be out loud if you sleep alone, or silently if another person goes to bed next to you. And it’s not about trust in relationships — it’s just that when we’re alone with ourselves, we’re more open than we are even in front of close people.

So, the main point of the exercise is to set plans in the morning and to finish the day in the evening. In addition, both in the morning and in the evening, you tell yourself positive and life-affirming attitudes that will help turn your life in the direction you want.

“Pillow talk” can be combined with a visit to a psychologist – one does not contradict the other. It’s just that when you are alone with yourself, you can internally sum up the past day or your life and come to some conclusions without outside influence.

“Pillow Talk” – Morning Practice

  1. Immediately after waking up, do not get out of bed and take two minutes. Realize what mood you are in now and what energy (hate, love, kindness, gratitude, envy, etc.) is filling you now.
  2. Say the following mantra out loud or silently to yourself: “ I choose to be myself and give myself as much attention as possible in this moment. I accept myself as I am. I accept any emotions I experience as they are. ”
  3. Next, we move on to positive attitudes. As you know, if you tell your brain, “I don’t have much money,” or “I’m unlucky in love,” it perceives this as a given, not as motivation. Therefore, you need to speak in an affirmative form: “ I am (beautiful, smart, charming and attractive),” “ I can (study, work well, cook a delicious breakfast, give positive emotions to my children),” “ I have (close friends, family, children, material goods, work),” “ I love (myself, my loved ones, my work, the sun, walking in the park).” These thoughts with a “plus” sign set us up to notice what we have, and not lament what we don’t have yet.
  4. Accept your difficulties by saying the phrase: “Even though… is happening in my life, I believe that I can handle this .” These words help you recognize the problem that needs to be solved, but do not immerse you in negativity.
  5. If you are worried about the future or the past, the exercise “just today” will help. Promise yourself that only today you will worry about the present, and spend this day focusing only on real life. And so every day, tell yourself that tomorrow you will think about this unpleasant situation from the past, and in the morning again deceive your brain.
  6. And lastly, for the morning, come up with your working mantra that will comfort you throughout the day. For example, “Everything will be fine”, “I trust life and myself”, “I have people who will support me if I make a mistake”. These should be words that personally penetrate your heart and can sober you up and get you out of the emotional bottom

“Pillow Talk” – Evening Practice

  1. When all the night rituals are completed and you are completely ready for sleep, turn off the light and lay your head on the pillow. Take two minutes to do your evening practice and finish your day. First, think about what energy and what mood filled the past 24 hours.
  2. Next, think about something good that happened in the last 24 hours and praise yourself for it. It doesn’t have to be something like “I flew into space,” because sometimes not getting mad at your child when he’s taking a long time to get ready for school is already a good thing.
  3. Acknowledge your failures from the past day and think about how you could avoid them in the future.
  4. Remind yourself that tomorrow is a new day, which means you have a chance to start over without making the same mistakes you made today.
  5. And finally, a gratitude ritual. Think of the three main things you are grateful for today and fall asleep on that good note.

1. Get plenty of sleep

Our body is a machine. A beautiful and incredibly complex system that needs care and rest. When you leave work, you turn off your computer every day, and your body and mind need about the same. Research shows that good sleep helps the brain get rid of toxins that accumulate during the day, which is why seven to eight hours of proper rest are incredibly important for mental and physical health. Your goal is to gradually increase your daily sleep duration to this level. 30 minutes more rest each day – it’s simple, right?

2. Think about what and how you eat

Making your eating mindful takes practice. This is especially true for those who are used to snacking on the run, while simultaneously typing a response to another email and being distracted by phone calls every minute. The practice of mindful eating helps you understand what you eat and what benefits it brings to your body. A healthy relationship with food replaces simply satisfying hunger. Research shows that this approach to nutrition significantly improves mood, reduces stress levels, helps develop healthy eating habits and even gets rid of excess weight.

3. Cut out caffeine

Caffeine is a stimulant that irritates your already overwrought nervous system. When you’re anxious, stressed, or generally on the verge of hysteria, another cup of coffee may only give you a short-lived pick-me-up. Instead, try other, gentler ways to perk up and recharge your batteries: exercise or meditation . If mornings without coffee are no fun for you, take your relationship with the drink to a different level and make it as conscious as possible. Savor the aroma and enjoy the taste of the drink as you sip it from your favorite mug. Over time, this ritual may prove to be much more important than the coffee itself.

4. Start moving and don’t stop

Not only is movement a powerful mood-boosting and stress-reducing tool, but it’s also a proven way to maintain excellent memory and overall thinking skills.

You can combat growing tension with physical activity: every minute spent on yoga, jogging, or cycling becomes a contribution to the fight against stress.

A simple morning workout sets the necessary pace for the entire day and helps you focus on important tasks. Needless to say, successful people prefer to exercise in the morning. Start with at least 10 minutes of moderate physical activity per day and gradually increase its duration to the recommended half an hour.

5. Remember: the best rest is silence

Yes, yes, yes, not a single article about changing your life is complete without mentioning meditation. Well, what can you do if it works? About 80% of visits to doctors are somehow related to the consequences of stress, imagine what a monstrous waste of time and money? What’s even more amazing is that we can reduce all these expenses with the help of… that’s right, meditation. These practices help cope with stress, strengthen the immune system, improve sleep, and feel truly happy. Just five minutes of such relaxation will make the day much more joyful. Another bonus: people who regularly meditate think rationally and experience less anxiety when life throws up new surprises.

6. Take care of your skin

It’s simple: happy skin means happy you. Of course, consolidating this habit is no different from others, it also takes time. The well-known three-week rule is not so important here – consistency, regularity, and understanding why you are doing it are much more useful than crossing out days on the calendar. The notorious concealer will hide traces of fatigue in no time, but real changes in the condition of the skin always come from within, slowly but surely. Choose something that will not only improve your complexion but will also bring real benefits to the body, be it cosmetics or food. Just repeat all the necessary procedures in the morning and evening – after a while, you will notice that your skin glows with health and your mood is no longer so gloomy. It’s trite, but humanity has not yet come up with anything better.

7. Feed your soul, not your ego

It’s simple: do what makes you happy. Not all of our achievements fill our souls with joy. Regular overtime may be useful, but in the end it leads to the depletion of the body’s far from endless reserves. The benefits of such behavior are less than those of regular relaxation. Finally buy the shoes you’ve been wanting for a long time, treat yourself to ice cream during your lunch break, and spend the weekend watching old movies. All – well, most – of your actions should have one single reason: they bring you joy. You do it not because it’s another item on the to-do list. Joy. You. Period.

8. Trust your intuition

The dubious expression “I feel it in my gut” is not a metaphor at all. Before making important decisions, listen to your feelings: the body often tells us what we need before we even realize it. Take a break if you are tired. Go somewhere if your soul asks for a change. In short, when something goes wrong, first of all, ask yourself about the reasons. If you are not an intuitive person, it will take some time to learn to listen to your inner voice. Just take a break from all your worries, take a break, and honestly answer what you feel now. Chances are good that you know perfectly well what you want. You just need to stop for a while and listen to yourself.

9. Break the usual order of things

Make it a goal to try something completely new at least once a week. Or, if you have plenty of enthusiasm, once a day. You don’t have to take on something big right away – just take a different route to work. Even something as small as this is an unusual experience. It helps open your mind to new ways of thinking and perceiving, which in turn will make you at least a little happier.

10. Create a comfortable environment for yourself

The first step in creating healthy relationships in every sense is to be responsible about what and who you fill your life with. Yes, the prospect of turning toxic relationships into joyful and comfortable ones can be daunting at first, especially when it comes to friendships, family, food, work, or yourself. However, it is important.

Analyze all your connections and notice how they contribute to your life and well-being.

Those who are responsible for their surroundings are often more confident in their decision-making.

11. Learn new things

The process of acquiring new knowledge makes us happy; that’s a fact. It also helps to extend our lives and make them more interesting and fulfilling, and also gets rid of unnecessary prejudices. If you want to start small, learn to knit, for example. The Internet is full of training videos, so you can master this simple task without even getting out of bed. If you are attracted to big goals, go to a three-month web design course. Whatever you decide to do, your brain will be deeply grateful to you anyway.

12. Start keeping a journal

Relieving stress, developing creativity, boosting self-confidence, and inspiring you to achieve your goals is a simple activity, but it has so many benefits . If it’s difficult, don’t commit to writing every day right away. It’s the process of writing that’s important, not how many times you do it, so you can start with a couple of sessions a week. Set a timer, give yourself a simple topic like “What I’m looking forward to today,” and write whatever comes to mind. Trust me, you’ll eventually look forward to these sessions.

Have you tried these methods or does something else help you? Share your tips in the comments.

Brangelina’s Divorce Strategy: 2:0 in Jolie’s Favor

By
Newsroom
-
0
Brangelina's Divorce

Celebrity divorce expert Rob Shater revealed to our colleagues from the American Bureau of Marie Claire the details of the masterfully produced breakup of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

The news of Jolie and Pitt’s divorce, which shocked the entire world, first appeared last Thursday evening on the American news portal TMZ, then Brad commented to People magazine, and Angelina’s agent to the E! News website. According to rumors, the main reasons for the divorce were her husband’s infidelity, incessant quarrels, and different views on raising children. To find out what is true and what is false in this story and what is really behind the shocking news, our colleagues from the American bureau of Marie Claire turned to the famous expert in the field of celebrity divorces, Rob Shater. Legal red tape, analysis of the behavior of former spouses, their motives, and hidden interests – all this is Rob’s natural habitat. His portfolio is impressive: he was Jessica Simpson’s press agent when she was divorcing singer Nick Lachey, and he was the one who communicated with the press on behalf of Jennifer Lopez when the star broke up with Ben Affleck. In an interview with Kate Storey, Rob reveals how celebrity couples plan and orchestrate their divorces, and teaches us how to read the hidden signs.

Marie Claire: Brad and Angelina’s divorce was announced on Thursday, at the end of the week…

Rob Shater: Yes, Angelina’s legal team knows their job. They announced it late on Thursday because they knew that by that day, all the influential weeklies (like People, Us Weekly, Life & Style) would have already sent all their new issues to print and would not be able to put this news on their covers. In general, Angelina herself communicates with weeklies quite often, so the fact that the news got to TMZ first surprised me at first. Most likely, this was the idea of ​​​​the team handling the actress’s affairs, because they do not like to work with weeklies.

“Something really big had to happen for this step [Angelina’s decision to divorce]. I don’t know anything yet, but I plan to talk to her soon,” Jolie’s father Jon Voight comments on the news of Brangelina’s divorce.

MC: Do you think TMZ intercepted the documents Pitt and Jolie needed to dissolve their marriage? Or did someone tip them off?

RS: Harvey [Harvey Levin, founder of TMZ – editor’s note] knows the law. He’s a lawyer, and he knows how lawyers work. Of course, it’s possible that they just stumbled upon the documents, but as a columnist and publicist, I can tell you that just stumbling upon something like that is too much luck. Unimaginable. Usually, someone will tell you where to look – in their interests, of course. This is just a hypothesis, but in my experience, there is always someone who will say, “Hey, you might be interested in digging into these files from such-and-such a date.” And then it’s like clockwork: you find everything yourself. So the fact that only TMZ was able to find the documents, and on a Thursday, when all the print weeklies were powerless, makes me think that Jolie’s lawyers were involved in this.

Moreover, it is interesting not only that TMZ was the first to get this news. Yes, of course, in journalism, whoever gets the exclusive first gets the slippers. But TMZ did not just release an exclusive – they released an article that is pro-Jolie (in favor of Jolie) in content, mood, and style. In it, we read that Brad is a bad father, and that he is a drunkard, and that he is a drug addict… Not a single bad word about Angelina. In my opinion, this is, of course, a commissioned article. It does not look like TMZ journalists just went and found the documents; rather, someone wanted the first material in the press on this topic to be a story that completely defends Angelina’s honor. And now Pitt’s people will have a hard time.

Brangelina's Divorce

“I am very saddened by this, but the most important thing right now is the well-being of our children. I ask from the bottom of my heart for journalists to leave our children alone during this difficult time,” Brad Pitt commented to People magazine regarding the news of his divorce from Jolie.

MC: After the divorce news in TMZ, Brad Pitt commented to People magazine. What do you think about it?

RS: I think People is a great choice. The magazine has had a good reputation for a long time: celebrities love to talk to them, because they can always be sure that People won’t twist their words. People themselves, of course, will want to get a personal interview with Angelina, so in the next few weeks, the magazine will tiptoe and write very restrained news about the divorce, so as not to anger Angelina. Of course, they really want to cover this lucrative topic, but if they anger Jolie, she will simply refuse to talk to them. And People are eager to hear the story from her point of view. I can already see the headline: “Brangelina’s Divorce Through the Eyes of Jolie.”

“Angelina will always act only for the good of her family. And she is very grateful to everyone who respects her privacy, especially during this difficult time,” Jolie’s permanent manager Geyer Kosinski commented to E!News

MC: Do you think Jolie and Pitt’s lawyers met with each other to discuss their clients’ divorce strategy before it was leaked to TMZ?

RS: This is usually how it works: one spouse initiates communication with their lawyer, who contacts the other spouse’s representatives, and they get together, develop a common strategy. After which, a press conference is held, at which a template statement about the divorce is announced to the public. But what is interesting in the case of Brangelina is that the spouses’ teams did not coordinate their actions. There was no joint statement from the couple.

In my opinion, Brad’s team is losing to Angelina’s team in terms of strategic thinking, because they allowed the first press article on this topic to label the actor a bad father from the first paragraph. [Quotes from the TMZ article: “Sources close to the star couple told us that … Angelina’s decision to file for divorce was due to the way Brad is raising the children. She is very concerned about his parenting methods. The actress’s representative, Robert Offer, said that Angelina made this decision “for the health of her family” – Ed. All this resembles a combat command post, big politics, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Both have their teams and their response teams that know how to create an image of their clients in the press. Giving Angelina’s team a head start, allowing the image of Brad – a bad father – to be launched in the press, is a very big strategic blunder by Pitt’s team.

Meanwhile, Angelina has already made her next move: TMZ has published another batch of exclusives. It says that the actress accuses Pitt of abusing their son Maddock, who allegedly stood up for his mother during a quarrel between her and his father during a private flight from France to Los Angeles. The FBI has already taken an interest in the story, and Pitt’s team is still silent.

MC: When you were working with Jessica Simpson, did you also think about when to tell the press?

RS: It was a long time ago. There were no sites like TMZ back then. We announced it all on a holiday weekend because we also wanted to avoid the weeklies. US Weekly was the king back then, and it was the one that got the exclusive. I think we can now acknowledge that we helped the journalists “find” the information they needed…

MC: I read that Jolie doesn’t have her press agent. Do you know anything about her relationship with the press?

RS: She never really had one. Angelina does the press better than anyone. Very smart. She is her press agent, and she makes all the strategic decisions in that area. Then she just hires the right people to implement her decisions.

MC: When Pitt was divorcing Jennifer Aniston, the couple did issue a joint statement to People magazine. Does that mean anything?

RS: Of course, they made that statement; that’s what all celebrity couples do. But Angelina has this amazing power over the press that,t from now on, when a couple decides to get divorced and it’s not going to be a nice divorce, she can say, “We’re not making a joint statement. Angelina didn’t.”

MC: The news of the divorce came at almost the same time as the release of the trailer for the film “5 Seconds of Silence” starring Pitt and the accompanying rumors of the actor’s affair with his co-star Marion Cotillard. Suspicious?

RS: Actually, it’s a very rash move to blow an on-screen romance out of proportion to a real-life romance. It’s not always clear to viewers, but it’s important to keep in mind that studios and celebrity agents rarely let stories like this leak out. Think about it: no one wants to watch Brad have an on-screen affair with a woman he’s rumored to be cheating on his wife with. It’s a risky move, but sometimes it works. The most iconic example is Mr. & Mrs. Smith. But in general, these stories always have consequences, and studios spend millions of dollars to smooth things over. That’s why I say everyone is careful in this business – it’s better to have no attention than to have the public backlash. Sure, you can tease the public with rumors of a romantic dinner and so on, but no one is going to create “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.”

MC: Both sides insist that there are no third parties involved in their conflict. Does that mean anything?

RS: It means absolutely nothing. Believe me, I was a press agent for a long time, and press agents do not always tell the truth.

6 Angelina Jolie Obsessions That Ruined Her Marriage

By
Newsroom
-
0
Angelina Jolie Obsessions That Ruined Her Marriage

Why the beautiful marriage of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt collapsed.

Let’s put aside all the rumors and gossip and leave only the facts, which eloquently say that not only this, but any marriage of Angelina’s is doomed.

They were together for more than 10 years, and it seemed that both had long ago made a choice in favor of family. In all interviews, he called her the best woman and mother in the world, and she praised his fatherly and masculine qualities. The idyll ended on September 19, 2016. And, if you think about it, this union lasted much longer than it should have—the energy of self-destruction is too strong in Angelina.

Men are not trustworthy

It all started with her father, Jon Voight, who left the family when Angelina was barely a year old and her older brother was three. And this is the case that teaches us not to involve children in our adult problems and conflicts. Due to her age, Angie could not remember the quarrels between her mom and dad and witness Jon’s betrayals. However, from an early age, she already knew exactly who was to blame for all of her mother’s misfortunes.
Yes, Marcheline Bertrand had good reason to be upset with her ex-husband Jon Voight. But her children shouldn’t know that. Angelina grew up, increasing her hatred for her father, who had ruined her mother’s career. Marcheline’s second unsuccessful marriage only added fuel to the fire. Her mother’s inability to build relationships with men greatly influenced Angie’s behavior: for most of her life, she chose men as companions with whom her “men are not trustworthy” attitude worked flawlessly.

And then there was a glitch: Pitt turned out to be unusually constant.

But the attitude turned out to be more important than the truth. “In Angelina Jolie’s worldview, all men are traitors, with whom it is impossible to be open and frank. And I’m afraid she is not sure that Brad is an exception. But, having analyzed her story, we can say that this is exclusively her rhythm of behavior, that is, her accusations against her husband are groundless,” astropsychologist Pavel Andreev commented on this moment for us

Nevertheless, for several years, rumors about jealousy scenes that Angelina allegedly staged for her husband, suspecting Pitt of affairs with her co-stars, have appeared in the press now and then. Whether such family squabbles took place is unknown, but Marion Cotillard, who starred with Brad in the film “Allied”, had to justify herself, denying the relationship with Pitt attributed to her, for real.

You can’t forgive “such things”

Inability to forgive is one of Angelina’s key traits, which greatly spoils her life. A person who has once stumbled will no longer be part of her inner circle. She prefers not to forgive guilty people, but to erase them from her life. The most striking example of this is her relationship with her father.

As a child, Angelina changed her last name from Voight to Jolie because she didn’t want to have anything to do with her father, whom she couldn’t forgive for betraying their family. True, according to her passport, she was still “Angelina Jolie Voight” in 2002, however, she got rid of this formality.

The only attempt at a “reboot” was the joint work of Jolie and Voight in the film “Lara Croft: Tomb Raider”, but they quarreled several times on the set, after which Angie said that she did not want to have anything to do with her biological dad. For a long time, Voight did not meet Angelina’s children in person – she was categorically against these meetings. And the actor mainly learns about all the details of his daughter’s life from the news.

And the same Voight, in response to the news of Jolie and Pitt’s divorce, said: “Something serious had to happen for Angie to take such a step.” Something serious that Jolie cannot and does not want to forgive her now ex-husband, despite 10 years of relationship and six children. We wrote about this in detail in the article Brangelina’s Divorce Strategy: 2:0 in Jolie’s Favor.

In 2014, information leaked to the press that Jolie and Pitt’s eldest biological daughter, Shiloh Nouve,l told her parents that she felt like a boy and asked to be called John. The child was eight years old at the time, and Angelina persistently dressed her daughter in boys’ clothes and gave her entertainment and toys for boys for about seven years.

Any psychologist will tell you that the mother chooses the child’s gender. And by providing the child with clothes that are not typical for his gender, encouraging the choice of toys characteristic of the other gender, the mother carries out a substitution of gender identity. At one and a half to two years old, it is not the girl who decides that she is a boy, but the mother who consistently develops in the girl a craving for men’s clothing and an interest in men’s games.

“A child’s non-standard behavior always indicates troubles in the family. The most important person for a child is the mother, whose unconscious desires affect us from birth. When a mother glances at a child, the child notices an involuntary change in her facial expression when discussing his gender. Thus, a child can develop discomfort from what nature has given them since childhood. As a result, he tries to transform himself to be loved by his mother,” comments psychologist Anatoly Dobin.

Just a few years ago, a woman who was called the main sex symbol of our time shone next to Brad Pitt on the red carpet. And then Angie began to have surgeries to prevent estrogen-dependent cancer.

In 2013, the actress revealed the shocking news to her fans that she had undergone a mastectomy. “I chose to share my story because there are so many women who don’t know they are living in the shadow of cancer. I hope that they, too, will be able to have their genes tested, and if they are found to be at high risk for the disease, they will know they have a choice,” Jolie wrote in a statement published in The New York Times.

And two years later, a new message appeared: the actress removed her ovaries for the same purpose – to prevent the risk of developing cancer, since, according to tests, the probability was 50%. After this procedure, Jolie wrote that she was now in a state of artificially induced premature menopause. This, of course, could not help but affect her appearance ( read also: Advice from an astropsychologist: in what periods of life should you be especially careful ).

A year after yet another manipulation of her body, there was no trace left of the sex symbol. The media vied with each other to write about how Angelina Jolie was rapidly losing weight; photos of the haggard star, really very thin and seemingly dried up, were published on the Internet now and then. Which is not surprising, if you take into account the physiological processes occurring in her body after the removal of all female sex glands.

Jolie, in self-defense, began wrapping herself in voluminous cashmere ponchos, which only fueled talk of her ill health. At the same time, she stopped appearing at official social events in the company of her husband.

Life is pain

Even as a child, Angelina intentionally hurt herself, which, according to her, was “therapy to help her feel alive.” She collected knives, which she used to cut herself. The craving for torturing her body later transformed into a love of tattoos, of which the actress continues to have more and more each year.

And in 2013, this idea entered into synergy with the fear of death. The result is breast removal for relative indications (most clinics will not remove a healthy organ based on imperfect genetic probability tests, but for money and for Angelina Jolie, anything is possible).

For the same reason, Angelina has always been drawn and continues to be drawn to where she can encounter, if not the source of pain, then its victims. “Every morning I receive a report from the UN about crimes against women that are being committed right now in twenty countries,” this is the kind of morning mail Jolie reads, according to her

Agree, not every woman will be able to live in an uninterrupted flow of information about mass rapes and abuse of other women. Angie not only collects this information for her work at the UN, but also meets victims herself during her regular trips to refugee camps. Where, by the way, she increasingly took her children, neglecting their safety (which became another reason for quarrels with her husband).

Political career

In an interview with French Marie Claire in 2016, when asked if she was going to go into big politics, Angie said directly: “If I can be useful to my country, to the world, and for that I need to become a politician, then why not?” However, initially, Angie did not intend to get involved in the big game herself. Her “business project” was Brad, just as Bill once became Hillary Clinton’s business project.

Jolie looked up to Hilary, initially trying to advance her husband up the political ladder. In interviews that have been forgotten over the years, Angelina has more than once, half-jokingly said that Pitt has all the qualities to one day become president.

After some time, it became obvious that there were plans to move her husband into big politics, but Brad himself was not thrilled about them, which greatly disappointed his wife. After it became obvious that Pitt was ready to support her charitable missions, but was not ready to change his acting career (which he, in his words, was “obsessed with”) to politics for her sake, Angie came up with “Plan B”. From that moment on, her husband finally ceased to be interesting to her. He did not live up to her expectations, and he could be crossed out of her future life.
123Page 1 of 3